This really isn't the sort of post that I'm super-happy to use to punctuate my blogging flow (or lack thereof), but I am inspired to take part in Barking Alien's RPG Campaign Tour Challenge, starting tomorrow (well...I'll try to catch up at least every other day or so...!), and wanted to get this little bit of trivial content out of my head first.
So...this came up while my group was playing Dungeons & Kittens, which has been amazing so far (thanks Rachel!), and which probably doesn't give much additional meaning to this post other than the fact that I find the contrast between this spell and the theme of that game pretty entertaining. (Y'know, I should probably just devote a post to D&K sometime soon...it is a blast...)
Anyhow...Father Josh's kitten Bobbin got a magic item that allows him to talk to the mycelia of mushrooms (and maybe other fungi...?), and that somehow led to the idea of conversing with excrement, to which Josh said something like, "How is that not a Mörk Borg scroll already?" And maybe it is...but here we go anyway...
This spell allows the caster to communicate with nearby excrement that has come from any animal, including sapient animals such as humans. This includes feces expelled in liquid form and substances such as bird droppings that combine solid and liquid elements. The excrement has knowledge of all actions taken by its host while being processed through the body, although it is usually not capable of explaining anything regarding the broader context of the actions.
In the case of a mixture of excrement from multiple individuals, as with a latrine or septic tank, the magic-user will not be able to separate the targets' voices unless the caster is in physical contact with the stool.
----------
And yeah, I'm kind of all over the place when it comes to whether or not 'swear words' get censored on here. Something about having it in the name of the post and the spell felt...I dunno...unnecessarily 'edgy,' I guess. So fucking sue me, eh?
As a new spellcaster, a Mage is free to dabble in all types of low-level magic. At 2nd level, however, the Mage must choose a type of magic and its accompanying approach to spellcasting to shape their further development within the class. The magical classifications can sometimes run together, and it has been observed by many practitioners that each style has a pair of accompanying approaches that it appears to ally with most easily. The options include:
• Arcane magic (alternatively: Esoteric, Metaphysical) – Arcane magic is learned through rigorous exercises and detailed study. It is capable of affecting our physical realm by manipulating the metaphysical framework that lies beneath. Practitioners of arcane magic are often known as Wizards.
• Eldritch magic (alternatively: Profane, Diabolic, Demonic) – Eldritch magic relies upon the help of one or more entities from a realm outside of our own. The ethical motivation of a deity or other agent enabling Eldritch magic is often opposed to or incomprehensible within the framework of universal human morality, and may even appear chaotic from a human perspective. Those who wield Eldritch magic are often called Warlocks.
• Impulsive magic (alternatively: Fervent, Elemental) – Impulsive magic is powered by the raw emotion of the realm, often intertwined with the supernatural urges of the very elements that make up the multiverse. Impulsive magic is often used by those we call Shamans.
• Nature magic (alternatively: Worldly, Earthly, Terrestrial) – Nature magic is the supernatural expression of the will of the natural world. This will leans toward growth, health, symbiosis, and -- most of all -- balance. Nature magic sometimes seems elemental in nature but is more likely generated by the interactions of elements than by basic elemental motivations. Those who practice Nature magic are often known to others as Druids.
• Divine magic (alternatively: Holy, Godly) – Much like Eldritch magic, Divine magic depends upon the assistance of a supernaturally powerful being that exists beyond normal human understanding. Unlike the magic practiced by Warlocks, however, Divine magic usually conforms to the values of traditional human religions. Note that this does not necessarily mean that all Divine magic is good; there are also aspects of it that restrict freedom, enforce conformity, and discourage creativity. Practitioners of Divine magic are often called Clerics.
I'm really doing it! I'm plodding forward with my fantasy heartbreaker!
(Those sentences were as much about positive affirmation as they were about exposition. But really...I think I'm doing it...)
I introduced a minimalist Warrior class a couple weeks ago. Now it's time to take a look at those who choose to wield magic. Alongside the Warrior, there shall be...
The Mage
I don't think I've ever shied away from making it obvious that my view of fantasy is heavily influenced by Magic: The Gathering. One of the most interesting aspects of the magic employed in MTG lore is the balance of five colors, each with their own goals and methods.
I really don't know that it can be overstated how elegantly brilliant this cosmology is. While I know that colors of magic and a circular grouping of elements is a whole trope in itself (one that I played around with consolidating earlier this year), the MTG color wheel has been a robust foundation for both the mechanics of the game and the philosophical underpinnings of the game's world for more than 30 years, and there's no sign that the approach has lost any luster over time. If you want to check out a really solid article about the colors of Magic and their real-world implications, you'll probably want to click here to see Duncan Sabien's treatise "The MTG Color Wheel (& Humanity)." It's a great read and worth some re-reads!
The MTG team has taken a lot of care over the years to give their in-universe magic wielders the trappings of fantasy lore that best fit the colors. Blue magic-users are almost always wizards, for example, while black mages might be wizards, but they also could be clerics or warlocks. This taxonomy reached an apex of symmetry in the expansion Strixhaven: School of Mages in 2021. The set is based upon the happenings at a university of magic -- the titular Strixhaven -- which is divided into five colleges, each based upon one of MTG's pairs of "enemy" colors (the ones that oppose each other on the wheel above).
Furthermore, the nature of each college highlights the tension between its constituent colors on an axis that makes them "enemies." The red-blue college, for instance, is Prismari, focused on the arts. Students and faculty here may take a very blue approach, working to understand the elements of their craft and how they interact to produce a reaction in an audience. Or...they might be very red, concerned only with passionately expressing the feelings that drive them to create.
It's a pretty cool setup. And since the set is filled with mages of all five colors and some mixtures thereof, the MTG team firmly divided up the "character classes" (creature types) of the cards by color, with each color getting one term to describe the practitioners of its magic. Here is one of the cycles of the set, the Pledgemages...each one is a species associated with one color, and the class of mage associated with its partner:
And I love this. It satisfies some of the fundamental cravings of my neurodivergence. It's just so round...so symmetrical...so clean!
And so...that's what I want to bring into the Monstrous Heartbreaker's Mage. I'm already working on a general class model where each hits a point of specialization at level 2. For the Mage, second level will be when a player determines if their character is actually a druid, a shaman, a warlock, a wizard, or a cleric. It shouldn't be too difficult to assign each spell one or more sources of power according to the D&D classes that cast it. I just need to figure out exactly what to call these types of magic. Right now, I'm working with...
Wizard (blue) - Arcane or Metaphysical
Warlock (black) - Eldritch or Diabolic
Cleric (white) - Divine or Holy
Druid (green) - Nature maybe? (Not sure I like Primal...)
Shaman (red) - This is the toughest one to me. Elemental? Emotional? Passion? I'm very open to ideas!!
So hopefully, when next I post on the heartbreaker, I'll have this terminology figured out and have a class laid out for building...!
I generally try to avoid making this a political blog. I think most people who know me know how I stand on political actions that systematize the harm, belittlement, or marginalization of other people (Americans or otherwise), especially those who are most vulnerable. It's simply(?) not what we should be doing as humans, and we have the resources in the United States to behave in a way that considers both the implied purpose of the government (to act in the interests of Americans) and affirm the humanity in all others. And that's why I'm so depressed about political stuff at the moment.
That is to say...I do recognize that there are bigger concerns at play right now. However, this thing I'm gonna point out today is just a good old WTF phenomenon. For those outside the States, or those within that understandably haven't caught everything in the whirlwind of actions and orders we've seen over the past few weeks, this is currently a page at the White House website:
It is admittedly a cliché, but I actually had to double-check to make sure this wasn't satire. You can read the full fact sheet for the executive order here. And another cliché...yeah, it is hard to believe this is the timeline we live in.
It isn't clear yet how sweeping this declaration will prove to be (although it sure sounds pretty sweeping), so I can't really comment on that. And overall, I'm not looking to get a bunch of comments that are either pro- or anti-Donald (not that I have a tendency to get a bunch of comments on anything🤣). I certainly have people very close to me who support pretty much every decision this guy makes, and they probably have an argument for why this was necessary. I mean...hey, maybe Joe did go too far in his persecution of plastic straws. But this is a real government document...😅
I'm sure there's a productive discussion to be had about the best approach to our straw use and its environmental implications. I don't think this is it.
Anyway, I made this item so the characters in your games never have to deal with the indignities we've faced drinking fast food soda here in the US:
+1 Paper Straw of Drinking
This item appears to be a typical paper straw made of thin cardboard. However, it is enchanted such that its user gets a +1 bonus to all drinking checks (even better than plastic!). In addition, it won't dissolve or get soggy in liquids intended for drinking (not even hot ones) no matter how long it soaks.
If lost or discarded, it will decompose naturally in 6d6 days. (For comparison in your game, plastic straws take 15d20 years for similar decomposition.)
----------
Ugh. I feel dirty writing about anything this "political," even something so...silly. Who knows if I'll even keep it up here on the blog...? I don't know, but surely there are others out there who will similarly appreciate the absurdity here...
I spend a fair amount of time...a lot more than anyone probably should, to be honest...thinking about elemental philosophies in games, beliefs, and esoteric pursuits. I am certainly no expert (far from it!), but I think my history as a tabletop gamer has naturally led to this as a sort of obsession. After all, I was pulled into gaming by the Pokémon TCG, have become a hopeless lifetime devotee of Magic: The Gathering (even during stretches where I don't get to play it at all), and lately have put a lot of thought into traveling around in a fantasy cosmology.
Plus, I'm a functional scientist myself. It kind of feels like I'm meant to ponder such things. In fact, the appeal of working out a sensible and symmetrical elemental system in my mind is probably similar to the drive a lot of physicists have in their search for a theory of everything. If I were smart enough to fully comprehend both general relativity and quantum mechanics, I might spend my showers trying to merge them in my brain. But I'm not, so that shower time is spent thinking about how MTG's colors interact with Pokémon's types. And the result, so far, is this work in progress...
I'm thinking this is a broad overview of the Inner Planes, the sources of elements and energy that give rise to the physical world. There are still Outer Planes of various philosophical persuasions that are filtered through these elements to create our experience of the universe. On the wheel so far, you'll find the colors of MTG, some Pokémon types (video games and card game may be represented separately, since they do differ in a way that reduces the number of types for the TCG), most of the Duel Masters civilizations, a couple of World of Warcraft classes (using their Hearthstone icons), and one stray aspect from the Star Wars: Unlimited TCG. The Ravnican guilds whose color combinations fit the wheel are also represented, in part because I think it's cool how the Boros logo echos Pokémon's Fighting symbol, and how Dimir and Psychic share an eye in their icons (plus the colors kind of work!).
Also, I stole that color wheel in the middle from here; let me know if it seems like gratuitous theft, please. I do think I like the hexagonal RGB+CMY skeleton for the wheel!
Okay, enough blabbing. If you have thoughts, criticisms, or suggestions, please throw 'em my way!
Look, Dad, all those philosophy classes are paying off!
Next in line for ska songs that should probably be enjoyed every holiday season: "Oi to the World!"
I only first heard this one when No Doubt covered it on a Christmas album in the late 90s, but I would later learn that it's actually a cover of a 1996 song by SoCal punk band the Vandals. I like this song a lot, and I also have thoughts about it, so first I'll just share the video No Doubt made for it, and then if you want to see some of my thoughts (and I bet you'll have some of the same ones), you can read on. I promise I won't go on for too long.
Okay, that was pretty fun. Now, No Doubt is a band that's sure to elicit plenty of eyerolls among ska fans the world over. However, their early years saw them much more connected to the fairly insular ska scene than many people realize, even finding their way onto some ska compilations around the late '80s/early '90s...and back then, comps were HUGE and among the major ways for ska bands to get their name out there, maybe even more than zines and shows.
And despite exploring a spectrum of new wave-y and punk type sounds...and wtf is wrong with that, btw...No Doubt began out of love for 2 tone bands, and my memory of guitarist Tom Dumont shouting out to the Specials and Fishbone on MTV back in the '90s was a tiny formative memory for me. Although I have to acknowledge, at 47 years of age, that I might not even remember that correctly.
Now...it must also be noted that part of the modern view of No Doubt is shaded by shifting views toward lead singer Gwen Stefani, and this video isn't a bad example of that. I'll say it up front...the bindi seemed like a much better idea for a white California lady back in the '90s than it does today. I can't even completely put my finger on all the reasons why, but that video just oozes cultural appropriation (not to mention I'm not sure how to feel about the use of the elephant).
Part of this is, admittedly, connected to ska itself, and its weaving with punkrock. As I think I've mentioned before, when I dressed up to go to ska shows in the '90s, I was basically cosplaying late '70s British kids who were cosplaying '60s Jamaican tough guys and sharp dressers. And with this song (and it's discussed nicely here in a lengthy analysis on the Kerrang! website), you also have the white California lady putting on a tiny bit of a British accent (a punk tradition, of course), but that's because it's a cover from a California band that really went out of their way to be British in the original version:
The theme of the song is undeniably positive. Unity. Oi to the world. Drink some bourbon with your new mate! It also sounds like the kind of anti-racist story I would have found much more meaningful as a 19-year-old in south Georgia than here and now, as the complexities of racism around the world and throughout history have thankfully become a bigger and more nuanced part of the conversation.
It's just so simple...those racist skinheads such as Trevor "liked the music, but not the unity," and it just took standing up to them and ultimately being kind to change the ways of at least one of them. I guess it also took a few well-placed oi!s, but we did it!
It's also just too convenient to rhyme "turban" with "bourbon," and I can't help but think that the reference to Indiana Jones (arguably a really stupid line, btw, but it entertains me) makes the whole thing a little more problematic, since those films aren't exactly known for their cultural progressiveness, and the fact that "Haji had a sword like the guy in Indiana Jones" seems a little like a Sikh caricature that I probably shouldn't pretend to be qualified to evaluate in terms of sensitivity.
BUT...
Y'know what...
This song also reminds me that I should probably be okay sometimes just accepting a hokey anti-racist vignette for what it is. In this world where a growing recognition of the complexities of racism has made the conversation all the more difficult at times, we've somehow allowed blatant racism to come to the forefront again and gain acceptability in forums far wider than I would have expected. I think I should just be happy to enjoy a song where a narrow-minded white dude ends up as a drinking buddy to a presumably brown dude who wears a turban. That's still a win, especially in today's world. We can still worry about all the complexities, but until this simple message is actually the fucking baseline we're building from, I'm not gonna hate too hard on something like "Oi to the World!"
----------
Now...No Doubt deserves at least one or two sounds to be cast by those who are able to harness the power of Rudeness...in OGL games or using Monstrous6 magic. I couldn't decide which song would be best to use, so here are two. One is among the best-known tunes by the band (and it's a good one!) that also retains a heavy dose of their 2 tone roots; you'll probably recognize it as a common D&D spell, very thinly reskinned for Rudies. The other is a pretty early No Doubt song that made its way onto some ska compilations back in the day, as they say...
Spiderwebs
2nd-level Sound
Casting time: 1 action
Range: 60 ft (20 ft cube)
Duration: 1 hr
Saves: Dexterity/Strength
You conjure a mass of thick, sticky webbing at a point of your choice within range. The webs fill a 20-foot cube from that point for the duration. The webs are difficult terrain and lightly obscure their area.
If the webs aren't anchored between two solid masses (such as walls or trees) or layered across a floor, wall, or ceiling, the conjured web collapses on itself, and the spell ends at the start of your next turn. Webs layered over a flat surface have a depth of 5 feet.
Each creature that starts its turn in the webs or that enters them during its turn must make a Dexterity saving throw vs. your magic save difficulty. On a failed save, the creature is restrained as long as it remains in the webs or until it breaks free.
A creature restrained by the webs can use its action to make a Strength check vs. your magic save difficulty. If it succeeds, it is no longer restrained.
The webs are flammable. Any 5-foot cube of webs exposed to fire burns away in 1 round, dealing 2d6-2 fire damage to any creature that starts its turn in the fire.
Everything's Wrong
3rd-level Sound
Casting time: 1 action
Range: 60 ft (10 ft sphere)
Duration: 1 min
Save: Presence
This sound causes all willful creatures within its area of effect to second-guess everything they do for the duration of the spell. Once the creature determines what it will attempt for the turn, it must succeed on a Presence saving throw vs. your magic save difficulty or be rendered confused and unable to take any actions for that turn.
Well, I had a "Real Monstrous Matters" post that I was working on, as I've been enjoying putting one of those together each week if I can. For some reason, this one started morphing from my established pattern of "this is some cool science, now here's a monster" into speculation on the subjective experiences of starfish. So, that one will wait until next week when I can get a little bit of a handle on what the heck I'm trying to say with it. In the meantime, as I've been building the "Monstrous6" rules system, tiny piece by tinier piece, with my posts on here, I figured I'd go ahead and lay out what I'm imagining as the default magic system for the game (and for the Monstrous Matters campaign).
I want something that will feel at least a little different from Vancian spellcasting. Shadowdark and Dungeon Crawl Classics have given us some nice variants that keep a lot of the Vancian bones in place, so I looked to them for inspiration but tried to give it a little spin that would feel unique to this 2d6-based system. Here's what I came up with; I've only been able to test it once so far but hope to get more under my belt soon...
The Basics:
1) Monstrous6 is essentially a skill-based system, so Magic is a skill and is given a value just as other skills are. Different types of magic are connected to different skills and potentially to different underlying attributes. The spells cast by a wizard, for example, might use the skill Arcane Magic (or perhaps a different skill for each school) and use the Knowledge attribute, while those of a cleric are resolved with Divine Magic (or specific domains) and Presence. Christmas Elves have Holiday Magic (Presence).Rudies have...Rudeness, I guess...? (Also Presence...)
2) Starting characters can learn one spell for each point they have in the attribute that governs their specific type of spellcasting. More may be learned as play progresses.
3) Spells are roughly the power of those found in most OGL games. So, OSR spells will work, or 5e spells with some adjustments to the dice used. (I like to use d6 in the place of both d6 and d8, then have the other die sizes represented by d6 +/- the appropriate value.) Also, advantage/disadvantage will need to be turned into bonuses or penalties. Spells still have levels, just as they do in d20-based games.
4) To cast a spell, make a magical skill roll [2d6 + Attribute+ Skill] vs. the spell’s difficulty, which is found by adding [10 + (spell level) + (number of times you’ve attempted to cast a spell today, including the current one)]. If you meet or exceed the difficulty value, the spell is successful.
5) For spells requiring a saving throw, those difficulties are calculated by [8 + Attribute + Skill]. (For both saving throws and the magical skill rolls in #4, as with most rolls in Monstrous6, a 12 is always a success, and a 2 is always a failure.)
6)If your magical skill roll results in both dice landing on the same face (rolling doubles), you can feel the vibrations of magical power escaping your grasp for the day. You may continue to cast spells on the current day by “paying” 1 point of your magical attribute. You may do this as many times as necessary but may not drop below a value of 1. This loss impacts allrolls for that attributeuntil the point is regained. All of these points in the attribute, along with the daily spell counter, are reset after a long rest. (Alternatively, you may choose not to pay the attribute point after rolling doubles; in that case, you are simply unable to cast further spells of that type until you take a long rest.)
I've been thinking today about a super-simplified approach to spellcasting in RPGs (especially those of the OSR variety), and the more I play it out in my head, the more I think it just might work. Heck, maybe it's already out there somewhere in the million and one different mechanics for RPG magic that people use.
The root of the system was my admiration for the simple Hit Die as a general measure for fighting ability. I learned D&D in the third edition era, so it wasn't until I started exploring older editions and retro-clones that I realized how much value there could be in a single number. I'd love to be able to work with something similar for magic. "Magic Dice" of sorts. I guess. So here's what I'm working with:
---------- A character with X Magic Dice can cast spells up to level X and begins each day with a pool of X dice to use in casting. When attempting to cast a spell, roll all of your magic dice; if the result is equal to or greater than the spell's difficulty (5x the spell's level), you succeed in casting the spell. Whenever a character fails at casting a spell, add one die to their pool; when they succeed, remove one die from their pool (minimum of one).
----------
Aside from my horrible use of pronouns in that paragraph, my biggest concern is probably that such a system could be exploited to cast low-level spells too often...although I guess that possibility is there with high-Intelligence Conjurers in The Black Hack, and it doesn't seem to break anything.
The spell list could be as broad or narrow as desired for the game, and it would be easy to add in "exploding" sixes...and rolls of "one" not counting for anything...to ensure that every instance of spellcasting has the chance to succeed or fail...
At any rate, I could imagine a really simple character advancement/construction system in which Hit Dice and Magic Dice are basically equivalent, so with each level, you just choose which one to add to your character.
UPDATE:Joel Priddy over at An Abominable Fancy has done an excellent breakdown of success rates with this system using a couple of different target number progressions. Be sure to head over there...not only does Joel use real-life mathematics to analyze this (rather than my typical "yeah, maybe that'll work..."), but his blog is always a great read...!
Margo the Magician. Because I wanted a picture in this post, and this one kind of fit the theme.
